


Changes are Still Changes

by JustARobin05



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Autistic Thomas Sanders, Character Study, Deceit Sanders Has a Different Name, Deceit Sanders Name is Ethan, Hugs, Multi, Sort Of, They all have a lot of love to give, Thomas Sanders is a little pissed off
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-24
Updated: 2020-03-24
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:26:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23288494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustARobin05/pseuds/JustARobin05
Summary: Thomas gets diagnosed with autism and, although it's not a huge shock, everyone has been acting different because of it.They think Thomas doesn't notice. He does.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil/Creativity | Roman/Logic | Logan/Morality | Patton/Thomas Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Deceit Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders/Deceit Sanders/Thomas Sanders, Deceit Sanders/Thomas Sanders, Everyone/Everyone, aside from Roman and Remus, they are NOT together in this fic
Comments: 9
Kudos: 84





	Changes are Still Changes

**Author's Note:**

  * For [PinkRoses030](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PinkRoses030/gifts).



> Okay so lets be real here-  
> Author is an autism who cannot get diagnosed so they are living through this fic.
> 
> Also it's gifted to PinkRoses for no other reason than "Why Not?".

No one was that surprised when Thomas got diagnosed.

They had coached him through many meltdowns, Patton had hugged him tight as Logan talked to him, the best he could, Roman would try to make every negative a positive. Virgil would stand at the edge of the room and panic, Ethan and Remus trying to calm him down too.

Then there was also the stimming. They got to eat from that chines place around the corner? Thomas would flap his hands and roll on the balls of his feet. If he was over-whelmed by the bright lights and loud noises in the Shopping Center? He’d look around with wide eyes and stomp his leg on the ground unconsciously (When they got back to the car he’d either take a many hugs as he could or ask to be left untouched, they’d all listen to him.). 

So when the words left the doctors mouth they weren’t surprised, exactly. It didn’t mean they were happy about it.

\--

It had been a week since the diagnosis and everyone had been… distant? No, that wasn’t the word. Patton had let Thomas help with making cookies, Logan let him join in on learning Spanish (even if he’d gotten bored quickly, he tried to learn), Roman had painted with him, even. So no, ‘Distant’ wasn’t the word. 

Whatever the word was everyone had been acting strange.

The diagnosis hadn’t really changed anything for Thomas himself. It was much more of a… confirmation. Now, he didn’t know that he had autism but he knew he wasn’t “normal”. Other kids wouldn’t cower away from the fire alarm in school, they’d sigh and move on. He would almost cry because it hurt (a sign of autism, as he’d learnt from the doctor). Others would instantly get a joke someone said, it would always take Thomas a few moments of staring blankly to understand (or maybe the person that said it would have to explain the joke, most people found it awkward when that happened. All except Thomas himself, or his room-mates).

He didn’t know if anyone else noticed. To be honest they probably did, but still. 

Virgil was the worse with it all. Thomas thought that maybe he was… scared? Maybe Vigil didn’t want Thomas to actually have autism because, despite it’s upsides, it wasn’t all fun and games. But it wasn’t like Thomas had just started magicly being autistic along with the doctors words, he’d had been this whole time. Nothing had truly changed. Still, that didn’t change what Vigil was thinking. Or wasn’t thinking. Thomas wasn’t a mind reader.

Remus was a close runner up, surprisingly. The man was much more of an empathetic person than he liked to claim. Thomas liked to think he had the same reasoning that Virge’ did, but that wasn’t really the case. Remus would talk to him, but only for a few seconds at a time. Maybe he was trying to keep his distance, because autistic people didn’t like social interaction. Although that wasn’t entirely truthful, maybe that's what he thought.

Ethan wasn’t bad, he was probably handling it the best. Except the fact he kept trying to come up with excuses for Virgil and Remus. He’d heard “Remus is just working really hard on a project,”, or, “Virgil’s helping Remus get some details right,” so many times now he was ready to rip his ears off. Despite that Ethan was the best with the diagnosis, he hadn’t changed. 

There really was nothing to change about.

Roman hadn’t gotten that piece of information yet though. He was asking Thomas so many times to join in on art projects that Thomas “might like” it was head-ache inducing. Every single one had been some sort of fan art or writing over something Thomas had liked before. It was a nice thought but if Thomas wanted to make something he’d ask Roman, not the other way around. That was how it was before.

Logan was alright… Thomas guessed. It was almost as if he was ignoring it in favour of the fact that Thomas was… there? It didn’t make much sense. Maybe he was thinking that Thomas was okay (which he was) so there was nothing to worry about? Maybe he was thinking that nothing had changed. Although nothing truly had changed, it also did. That was weird to think but still. Nothing had changed with the way Thomas acted, what he liked or disliked, how he reacted to things. Still, something had changed. It wasn’t big but it still wasn’t small.

Patton was much more like Roman. He’d bought Thomas some fidget toys, such as a tangle, a chew necklace, a fidget dice (Not cube, This thing was the size of his hand!) and a squishy in the shape of a panda. It was nice, and Thomas was truly great full for everything he’d been given but… nothing had really changed. Why were they acting like something did?

That was it, too. Everyone was acting as if something had changed when in all actuality… nothing really did.

So, Thomas had made himself a little plan (in between all the time he was hanging out with Roman). On Thursday it was movie night, they would spend the time snuggled together on the couch while a movie played (If it was Roman or Virgil’s turn to pick something it was usually Disney, Thomas was getting sick of all the Disney due to all of the projects, so he was grateful that it was Patton’s turn this time.) and it was normally the height of Thomas’ week. He wouldn’t have to talk or anything, he could just be with the people he loved dearly.

So, he thought, it was the perfect time to talk to them about it all. Although he had no clue how to introduce the topic, or when, but he would. Hopefully. Yeah, he would. Maybe.

He sighed to the reflection in the mirror. “You will,” … maybe.

When he got downstairs Remus was already sprawled across Virgil and Ethan's lap, Patton was sat on the floor and Roman on the arm rest. The smell of pop-corn was wafting in through the kitchen door and Thomas assumed that Logan was making it. He was thankful it was him this time, last time it was Remus and he’d burned nearly every piece, Roman had taken over for him. Thomas didn’t know how he had managed to do that, all Remus had to do was put it in the microwave for three minuets. 

Thomas sat where he usually sat, at the end of the sofa to the left, meaning that Virgil was to his right. He wondered if that was a good thing or not.

When Logan walked it with a bowl of popcorn he sat next to Patton, passing it to Remus and leaning his head on Patton's shoulder.

Patton himself was holing the controller, scrolling through Netflix. There was a sigh and he scrolled up. It seamed he’d been searching for something to watch for a while now.

When Remus gasped as did Patton. “Beetle-”

“-Shh! Don’t say his name!”

“Oh! Of course!” Remus said, “But he’s like,” he threw some popcorn into his mouth, “My spirit animal,”

“Lydia is mine,” Virgil commented, his tone quiet. Ethan nodded.

“So, is that what we’re watching?” Logan asked and Patton nodded, enthusiastic, in response. 

“Yup! Everyone okay with that?”

They were, including Thomas. It had been a while since he saw the film and he was really exited to see it again. So exited that he was lightly slapping his palm against the sofa arm.

“I, myself, am strange and unusual,” Lydia said, along with Roman and Thomas (although Thomas said it under his breath).

Right. So, this would be a great time to talk to them about it. Right? Yeah, so, say the words! Thomas thought.

Say the words that would start a conversation about how they’d all been acting. It shouldn’t be that hard... but it was. It was hard for Thomas to force the words way out of his throat, to get this over and done with. He bit his lip, now his fingers were tapping against the sofa arm. It was a similar action to what he was doing earlier that day, however, it didn’t mean the same thing. This meant he was stressed and everyone in that room knew that.

“Thomas? You alright?” Ethan was the first to notice.

“Kinda? Maybe? Yes and no,” Thomas blurted out, everyone was now paying attention to him.

Throughout the movie everyone had changed their spaces, Remus was now sitting on the sofa with Patton in his lap, Virgil was sat in Ethan's lap, sometimes his head would tilt back into the crook of his neck. Roman’s head was placed in Logan's lap, a blanket covering the rest of him.

Everyone had changed. Except Thomas. He couldn’t help but think that it was a nice metaphor for the situation they were currently in.

“What’dya mean, kiddo?” Patton asked, although there was an uneasy smile on his face. As if he knew what Thomas was thinking. That probably wasn’t the case, still, he couldn’t help but think that.

“Well… okay, you’ve all been acting… weird?” he didn’t want to offend them, although it had to be said.

“...Right,” Logan said, his hands stopping their track through Roman’s hair. “We have,”.

“W-what do you mean?” Roman smiled, uneasy, “I don’t think I’ve been acting too strange,”

“Yeah, you have,” Thomas replied, “I mean, I know you’re trying to be nice and all but you keep dragging me into all of these projects… it would be okay if you did that before but you didn’t,” Roman’s smile dropped.

“That is a good point,” he sighed, “I’m sorry, I’m just… trying to deal with the change, is all,”

“But nothing really changed, did it?” Ethan said, and Roman nodded. “Thomas is still Thomas, he’s the same person. Doing all these extra things aren’t going to help, it’s not like he’ suddenly a new person,” it sounded like the speech was rehearsed, when Ethan looked over to Virgil, Thomas understood why.

Patton nodded. “I guess I’m sorry for the way I’ve been acting. I suppose I was a little like Roman,”

Thomas nodded at that. He was right, although part of him didn’t want Patton to be.

“Something did change though,” Logan said, and Virgil nodded along. “Thomas may not act the same, but something did happen.”

“A piece of paper happened, Logan,” Ethan rolled his eyes, “Thomas has autism. That just confirms the way that he acts because of that,”

“Yeah, but…” Virgil began. Ethan looked to him, as if he was trying to be encouraging. Virgil swirled a bit, so he could face Thomas easier from where he was on (one of) his boyfriends lap. “Thomas I-” Virgil looked into his hands. “I didn’t want it to be true, you know? I know nothing has really changed but… I just don’t want you deal with the hard parts of it all,” Virgil sighed, “Because there are hard parts, and I’ve seen you go through them.”

“Wishing isn’t going to change anything, though,” Thomas replied, “I’m going to be this way, diagnosed or not,”

“I-I know but… I just… wish you’d just be okay,”

“I will be, just not exactly the same way you’d see ‘okay’,” he brought up his fingers so everyone could see the quotation marks that he was making.

Virgil nodded. There was a beat of (sort of) awkward silence before someone spoke.

“I guess it’s my turn to ‘explain’ my ‘behaviour’,” Remus said, repeating Thomas with the speech marks. “I’ve just… been trying to avoid you… so I don’t baby you,”

Thomas blinked at him. “What?”

“Like- I don’t wanna accidentally talk to you like you’re a child, because you’re not! So I’ve been… quieter,”

“Why would you treat me any different than before?”

“Well- I don’t know! I just… feel like I might so I’ve been avoiding the possibility that I will,”

“Remus you can be such a sentimental idiot,” Roman said, and Remus barked a laugh. 

“Says the one! Do you remember that one time you didn’t want to-”

“Yeah! Yeah, I get it,”

Logan had been holding the (now half empty) bowl of popcorn. When he placed it down on the carpet everyone knew that he was going to speak.

“Thomas, I’ve been… avoiding the topic. I suppose I just didn’t want there to be a change, no matter how miniscule. I believe I drummed it up as a big thing in my head when really it was nothing. As Ethan said, you are still you.”

Thomas smiled. “Thank you, guys, it’s just… stop acting weird,”

Everyone had there own small burst of laughter at that, including Thomas himself.

“So, should we continue with the movie?” Patton asked, nearly everyone nodded. Thomas hadn’t noticed that it had been paused.

“Yeah, but, I want hugs,” Thomas replied.

Everyone was happy to comply to the small demand.


End file.
